Our heart’s truth
The idea of truth seems to be coming up a lot these days.
I suppose all of us tell more or less the truth at any one time.
And it’s interesting feeling it through different people.
Some people wear their hearts on their sleeves and others make decisions based on the practicalities of life.
I’ve done both, but I’ve found that the more detached I am from my heart the worse personal decisions I make.
There is something so vulnerable about telling your heart’s truth, but at the same time it’s really the only place you can live that’s truly you.
And I’ve found that the more we make decisions based on the practicalities the less we truly honour who we are.
In North America, we are not raised to listen to our inner selves. Our goals are often created for us from outside of ourselves, and we’re expected to conform to what needs to be “done” to attain them.
And in this way so many people become disconnected from who they are. Many people aren’t even aware of their inner selves or what their hearts are trying to tell them.
I didn’t really realize how important my heart was until after I had my breakdown. There’s something about hitting the bottom that teaches you that the only authentic way to get better is to live through your heart. And that scared me to death.
I had glimpses in my life of living through my heart and I felt as if they almost destroyed me. So I backed away from it and started being invincible. I closed off a part of myself and made decisions based on fear and defensiveness and even anger.
And the relationships I attracted to myself were as well.
So many people are afraid and protecting themselves and even angry because they’ve lost love. And when people feel vulnerable they can become quite nasty. In our society it’s so much more socially acceptable to be angry and aggressive than sad and vulnerable.
And so I adopted that attitude as well. I became superwoman and in doing so almost destroyed myself.
After hitting the bottom I finally gave myself the permission to be vulnerable. Completely and totally open to my own feelings, whatever they were.
I went through different levels of shame, helplessness, fear, vulnerability and being heartbroken.
But as I started to realize that who I truly was was nothing to be ashamed of. That I was actually far more able than I’d ever realized. That everyone feels fear. And that being vulnerable is simply part of the human condition, my heart mended itself.
And as my heart healed something amazing happened, instead of seeing the world from a point of fear, I saw it from a point of love.
And I realized that telling my inner truth had brought me to a place of love.
I had always believed that it was stronger and safer to hide my truth and act as if I was totally strong and impervious even if I wasn’t.
But breaking open taught me that hiding my truth only hurt me all the more.
It has been one of the most revelatory experiences I’ve ever lived through to come to be able to express my inner self.
It was hard work, but much easier than continuing to bury my true feelings to seemingly protect myself.
Now my choices are all totally different.
The people who I attract into my life are also different. They’re more able to speak from their hearts as well, in their own special ways.
And I no longer feel that telling the truth is weak. On the contrary, it has released me from not being genuine with myself, and therefore allowed me to make much healthier decisions for me, and what I want and need from my life.
I can only imagine how living from my heart will continue to influence the rest of my life.
It has already helped me feel love where I used to feel anger. It has already attracted honest and gentle people into my life where I used to attract liars and bullies.
I can’t help but feel that the best is yet to come.