The way is love

Graphically real in a full monty kind of way

Having a moment at Walmart: What’s my life coming to!?

Contemplative-Moment

I was doing my grocery shopping yesterday at Walmart, and I realized I had a different Walmart in my head. As I was looking for an extension cord, I was like, “Hey, this is where they usually keep them. Wait! Nothing’s where it was.” And then I realized I was thinking of the other Walmart, from where I used to live with my fiance.

I stopped and stood there and was like, “Why did this happen? Why has my life been so unsettled?” And it made me sad for a moment. I even thought I might cry, right there on my way to the light bulbs.

As I kept shopping and found what I wanted, I realized I’d gotten used to where I lived with him.

Researchers say it takes 90 days to create a routine. And I lived there a little over 90 days. So now I have to continue creating my routine here. I have another 41 days to go. No wonder sometimes I feel like a fish out of water.

I had lived in the same area, in the same house for 17 years before I moved in with my fiance. And since June 2017, I’ve moved twice. Weird juxtaposition.

I rented this apartment because I knew I’d be happy living here for a few years at least. I don’t know if that’s what I’ll choose to do, but the idea of moving again is really not appealing. No wonder!

Eventually I’d like to have a little place surrounded by trees, maybe close to water with a fireplace and a big porch or nice deck in a quiet area. I find as I get older I want more and more quiet. And despite the fact I’m living in a village right now, it is actually a very quiet residential area.

And in that moment, as I was in another time in another Walmart, I missed my life with my fiance. Not the abusive part obviously, but I missed going shopping together and making decisions about our life together.

I don’t mind shopping on my own, I’ve been doing it for years. I raised my son mostly on my own. But I did like the idea of sharing my everyday life with someone I love. I don’t know if that’ll happen for me, I don’t seem to have a very good track record in my relationships, but who knows maybe I’ll get lucky.

In the meantime, I’ll get used to being here, and going to this Walmart. It’s funny how the small, everyday things can make us stop and think.

Only 41 days to go. Wish me luck!

 

 

woman green dress arms wide

From the series, Because I’m a woman and because I can! by Jacqueline Snider, writer and editor

cropped-cropped-blog-post-2015-2081.jpg

Advertisements

Leave a reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: