The way is love

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Right decisions are hard: I’ve had a hard year

Why are the right decisions often so hard?

I feel guilty, sad, relieved and thankful all at once.

My choice to live in this apartment was not only for me. I found an animal-friendly apartment for my dog and cat too.

I was so thrilled that I found it and really enjoyed taking my dog for a walk by the water. Unfortunately, the apartment didn’t suit my dog. There was too much noise from doors opening and closing, from people coming and going and there are other dogs living here too. She couldn’t handle it.

She’s losing her eyesight and felt very vulnerable I guess. So I have had to take her back to live with my dad in his house, which is where we were living before.

I feel guilty for doing this, but I know it’s the right decision for her because every day she was getting more stressed and barking more and obviously not happy here even though she was with me. She was becoming so aggressive with other people that I thought she might bite someone, and that’s not her!

I sleep with her every night. How am I going to get used to sleeping without her? I hope my cat comes and sleeps with me now. That will help. And I won’t be walking her by the water anymore. I loved doing that. I really feel all alone.

I am relieved that she can live with my dad. And he loves animals and she loves him. And I am thankful that I had that option. But it makes living here all the harder for me.

I know it’s the right decision for her, and that’s why I made it. But it’s really hard. And not something that I thought would happen.

I am learning to face how I feel and to deal with situations as they arise, but this one really hurts. I am very thankful I have my cat or I’d really be despondent.

I have had a hard year of letting go. First moving out of my father’s house and leaving my son there. Ending my engagement with my fiance and now having to live without my dog.

And so much has turned out so well. My dad and son are happy living together, and my son prefers living without me. He’s growing up.

So I am hoping that this move will be better for my dog too. And, over time, I will get used to sleeping without her. It won’t be easy, but it’s better for her so I can do it.

But I’m going to cry and miss her little body lying next to mine.

Why are the right decisions often so hard?

woman green dress arms wide

From the series, Because I’m a woman and because I can! by Jacqueline Snider, writer and editor

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