Slowing down doesn’t mean doing less, it means experiencing more: Gratefulness project day 13
I like the way the universe has orchestrated my life to move more slowly, especially recently.
Obviously a lesson I must learn. Slowing down (hence the yoga in my life!).
I tend to jump ahead when I would be better off taking my time.
I suppose I’ve always been impatient.
Likely a way to fill up my life doing, but also it runs in my mother’s family.
A lot of Type A personalities there!
Also a lot of failed marriages (80%!), and serious drinking (bordering on an “ism”).
So I suppose I come by it honestly, as they say.
But I’m learning that just because that’s where I come from that doesn’t mean it’s me, it doesn’t have to define me.
No, I have my father’s side in me too.
And then I have personal choice, let’s not forget that.
I have been choosing to try and slow down my whole adult life (and likely even before), but it’s only recently that I’ve identified it as important to who I am.
To the essence of me, myself and I.
I have always been very introspective. And a keen observer of human nature, but I have gotten caught up too much in other people’s needs and wants, and not enough in my own.
I see now that I need to know what my own needs and wants are to be half of any relationship. No one else can tell me what they are (though believe me people have tried!).
But if I don’t know, I can end up following rather aimlessly what other people “think” I should do or be or think or feel or whatever. (There’s that word should again. Not good.)
So over the holidays this year it’s going to be kind of different.
I didn’t put up a tree. I am not getting people Christmas gifts (I don’t have the money). And I’m not going to drink because I’ve stopped.
That alone will make it a very different holiday experience.
Also I have plans to work on myself and my communication skills so I will continue writing and I have books I want to read as well.
(I’m also knitting a sweater, which will definitely help me slow down. Just sayin’.)
I admit consciously slowing down doesn’t exactly feel natural to me, but over time I’m sure I’ll get used to it.
I know I can’t and don’t want to go on blundering around like I think in some ways I have in the past.
So today I’m grateful for the universe’s choice to teach me how to change my rhythm of life to one that enjoys smelling the flowers, breathing deeply, and laughing and being joyous.
I’m ready for it. And probably have been far longer than I ever realized.
From the series, Because I’m a woman and because I can! by Jacqueline Snider, writer and editor
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